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I was diagnosed with arythmia and carry an ICD and I believe that this will chase off any good partners.
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Sorry, I’m not that well versed in ICDs, but I thought these were implanted and not carried? Am I wrong? Are there different types? Whether internal or external, though, I get how it can make you self conscious and lead you to think it will “chase off” potential good partners. But - if someone is in fact chased off by this, would that person actually have been a good partner for you? If they can’t accept this reality, this part of you, do you really want to be with them? What do you consider are qualities of a good partner and a good relationship? Don’t settle - this will likely foster resent, I think.
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…and my ex wife used to hurt me during sex. I have told her many times I did not enjoy or want that but eventually gave up…I started this relationship when I was 36 and we broke up when I was 47. We have been sexually active for the first seven years. After that, sex became a means of emotional blackmail but she never kept her part of the deal.
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Ugh, I’m sorry. All of that was very much NOT OK for your ex wife to do. I’m glad to hear you can say she is an ex.
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…I dont even know how to "label" this…although I have my suspicion and I can hardly believe this can happen to an adult…
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Hmmm…”my ex wife used to hurt me” and “emotional blackmail”…I think you’re labeling just fine
But, I get what you are actually meaning, I think. And, I’d have to agree
Also, this happens to adults more than you might think. Grade school bullies get older, too, and so do their targets. And the playgrounds and lunchrooms are replaced with work settings and bedrooms. You’re not alone.
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…and I'm afraid this will be particularly hard to deal with…
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Yeah - it will be hard to deal with. But you CAN deal with it. In fact, you’ve already started to deal with it.
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…and it will probably label me - even more than my ICD - as "unfit for a relationship".
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Kindly reference what I said earlier about “chasing off a good partner”🙂 This is a part of what makes you you, right? If someone deems that because of this you are unfit for a relationship, f**k them. Not the right one - nor even a decent one, imo.
And please don’t label yourself as unfit/undeserving of a relationship because of this! Admittedly, though, I do this exact thing due to my past so I know it’s gonna be really hard to do. Ppl keep telling me this is unfair, unwarranted, to do to myself, so I’m passing it on to you. Would you tell a friend in this kind of position that they are undeserving/unfit for a relationship, a connection, because of these past experiences?
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I don't want to be this lonely for the rest of my life.
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I empathize with this. I feel I’ll be eternally alone and lonely, too. It’s really depressing to think about. Maybe we will be alone forever. But, maybe we wont…Maybe we wont. To win the lottery, you first have to by a ticket, you have to play. So, to not be alone forever, we gotta first allow ourselves a chance to develop a relationship, to not resign to the thought that we are unfit and undeserving of a connection…