I really struggle with the idea that the perceived changes in our therapist are all because of our perception. I mean yes sometimes maybe that is the case but I do not think all of the time or even most of the time.

My T is often colder at times less empathic and alluded it to being all my perception. For a long time I went around in circles thinking it was me. I have now grown enough and more sure of myself than I was before and I KNOW that what I am picking up, sensing or perceiving (whatever way you want to say it) is based on reality that her mood in some sessions is different. Even some of the things she says on those days are things that she wouldn't say on another day where she is feeling more empathic and caring. I have so many examples I have shared with friends alongside others and they say at times she seems like two different people. (it is not that drastic and obvious in the sessions but just to say some of the things are pretty obvious she is not able to access her feelings as much that day, whatever the reason may be but yet still there are many times I doubted myself and gaslit myself.

Perhaps because of my past experiences and hypervigilence I am 'feeling' her moods more intensely than someone without trauma and attachment wounding would but there is a change in mood. I appeciate none of us are one mood all of the time so not saying that she should be the same but the difference is quite striking.

All this to say that yes some of it may be our perception but not always.Only you can really know whats happenning in your case. As we grow and heal we learn to trust ourselves and our gut more.