Thanks LT, I think your T having a clear stance is good, at least I hope it is good for you? It does sound like it would be hard to want something like that, though, and "know not to ask"

To be honest, we haven't ever properly talked about it. That's why I think she has opened a box now, because I'm now thinking about it, and I don't know where that will lead inside me.

She is good though, so I'm just really intrigued to hear what she will say about why... And where that conversation would lead. I would be hopeful that she would be more in line to doing what is in the clients best interest, and understanding that this is something where it would be wrong for some and right for some.

You know, thinking about it, I have thought about touch with her once before, I just had this image in my hear of us touching finger to finger. Just to feel some sense of security. But I never went there because I didn't think she would say she was ok with that, and because I wanted to try and find other ways to connect, without touch this time. So far that hasn't worked though!