Hello NPMAN. Since this is your first post here on MSF, welcome to the forums. I hope you find being here to be of benefit.

I'm not sure what to tell you about all of this. Realistically, I'm probably not the best member to be replying to your post. (Hopefully there will be other members who will have insights they can share.)

I'm an old man and have been married for over 40 years. And one thing I think I can say is the initial "full of emotion" love you experienced doesn't last forever... at least not in most cases. What endures is a love that is less emotional... less passionate... if you will, based on such things as shared experiences, commitment to one another, compassion, forgiveness... and, of course, children in most cases. So, my personal perspective is that you're going to have to come to terms with whether what you're feeling is how long-term romantic relationships go or whether you simply no longer care enough for this woman to stay with her (and your child.)

At age 26, I'm sure your level of maturity is not what it will (hopefully) be when you reach your 30's and beyond (despite what you may think.) And I'm sure that plays into the situation as well. That doesn't make you an "asshole". It just makes you a still-young man. (We've all been there.) Trekking across Asia has a lot more alure than settling down with a partner (wife?) and child. Of course, the question is how do you sort all of this? Perhaps the best solution is the most obvious... spend some time digging through your circumstances with a skilled therapist or counselor.

I know you wrote you'd always support your child and be in your child's life. And that's a fine sentiment. Circumstances may, or may not, work out that way. And at least from my perspective, the thought of leaving money for a year's worth of expenses, while you backpack across SE Asia, is fine. Perhaps it will help. (It also assuages your own feelings of guilt.) But it's not really an answer, to my mind, it's a band aid. I think what's needed here is a mature, thoughtful decision-making process that perhaps includes some time spent with a therapist or counselor, as I mentioned above, as well as a similar sort of discussion between you and the mother-to-be of your child. My best wishes to you all.