There was a time when my wife would enjoy our conversations and spending time together and made me feel very valued and special . Now as her therapy has "progressed" over the years and as she has learned more about the stuff she suppressed from her childhood . She has entered her 50s and gone thru menopause. I feel like I am the target for all her anger at the people that hurt her as a child . They are all dead now so I'm the only one she can express it to . She has become cold and distant and
for example when I ask her why she doesn't seem to want to hug me anymore , her response is "I hug you every time you ask me". How can she not see how much that statement hurts and how can she completely miss the point of my question? A couple years ago when we reconciled after a close call with divorce that she initiated ( we were at the point of signing our separation agreement and I had not been living in the home for months at that point) but upon reading it she texted me and said " I don't want to do this " ) After that we started each day hugging and cuddling for at least 5 minuets before we got out of bed (her idea but I loved it)
Am I the only one who sees her statement about hugs as cold ?? Is this her midlife crisis ? Is it hormones? She used to take meds for her PTSD and anxiety/depression but has been off them for 2 years now, could this be a factor ? I have suggested perhaps she should try going back on the meds again to which she says she's happier working through it without them ? This is happier ?

So I am doing the only thing I can at this point, showing her that kind loving man as she asked and her response of late is she's not sure if I'm only doing this just to avoid the divorce ??? Of course I'm trying to avoid the divorce but it's hardly the only reason. I want us both to be happy again and communicate better. She asks for something, I hear her and show her what she is asking for because I love her and want to make us both happier again and rekindle the spark yet she gives me silence until I ask any questions and when I do, it's back to anger at me or she says she's not sure if it's already to late .

The other day she said she very much still loves the kind loving man she fell in love with and that she struggles to love the bitter man that I have become and how she knows that kind loving man is in there as he peeks out now and then . She then says she understands that the stresses of life , work, home and kids and all of her issues have effected him and IF I can find a way to bring him back more consistently how we probably won't end up in a divorce and it would help her heal faster form her damage from her childhood .
How can she not understand that the kind loving man she fell in love with used to get warmth and love/support from his wonderful loving wife and how it helped him to be kind and loving . She expects me to exist on virtually nothing emotionally and be happy ? It just feels like she is unwilling to meet me in the middle and expects me to be understanding of her situation, while mine does not matter and I am to exist on nothing emotionally . I feel like I'm giving her exactly what she is asking for and I am respecting her boundaries but still I don't seem to matter .

If I ever ask about the situation it always goes south very quickly usually with her becoming angry at me and bringing up something from years ago that she feels I didn't handle correctly or was wrong about .
What's the point of beating me up about something I cant change from the past instead of talking about how we can handle it better in the hear and now and in the future. Why focus all your energy in being upset about years ago? She never used to talk/mention any problems then yet now all of a sudden the past is her main focus. She's all over the place emotionally and I don't know what to think. I'm so confused and sad as I am loosing hope quickly.

I'm so beaten up inside right now, my self esteem is almost non existent now and struggle with not blaming all of this on me, even though I know that she has done much damage to me recently and I struggle with my own depression now as a result of all this. Part of me feels the way she is treating me is borderline abuse emotionally. Yet I love her so very much I'd do anything to make this work because I do remember clearly the way we met/ fell in love (it's a beautiful story) and all the good times and the love that was/is? still there. Over 28 years married and over 33 years together , I have no interest in starting a new life and would use every last bit on energy trying to save this one. Perhaps I'm a fool for this but I find it hard to do anything else but keep trying while I wait for the other shoe to fall. I'm a mess.