Hey all, checking in I'm still circling the airport with no idea which way the winds will blow . It changes from day to day and I spend my days either happy and hopeful ( The other day she wrote me an amazing letter full of hope and suggestions for improving our communication ) or utterly devastated and crying myself to sleep when she says something like "I'm not sure, perhaps it's too little to late at this point " out of nowhere . She seems all over the place emotionally. When she talks of divorce, it's as impersonal as if it were just choosing to go shopping at a different supermarket . How ? after over 3 decades together can she seem to be so cold and heartless? Even if we manage to avoid divorce this time, what's to say in 2 months or 2 years she wont start this back up again ? I have never once suggested divorce so I can't understand how she can even think of it, yet alone almost take us there twice in the last 5 years.

What should I do to help me get through this uncertainty ? Can anyone offer me any advice ? Should I prepare for the worst and harden myself to survive or remain hopeful and encouraging ? I don't want to act as if I've given up as I am afraid that will only convince her to go thru with the divorce . Or am I just a piece of driftwood at the mercy of the currents and my actions will in the end have no impact on what happens to my own life ? This sucks.