I understand reaching out........Put a huge "Stop Sign" in your mind every time you think about contacting him. I don't know if that will help, but at least it will remind you why you shouldn't do it. If you do reach out, imagine what the conversation would go like.......he will start talking about how miserable HE is. There is an old saying, "when yu are going thru hell, keep on going.

Try to give yourself kudos for your victories.....every day you don't smoke, for instance, every time you resist contacting him. You are doing the best you can with a "mountain" of obstacles, etc.