I know how you feel. People are disgusting. They are also wonderful. The ambivalence is painful.

When I get triggered these days (not even sure 90% of the time what the trigger is), I have a lot of anger towards basically anyone and everyone. Anger towards the outside, disgust towards myself for my reaction. Also ambivalent. Sucks big time, but I think I need to get through that to maybe one day be able to shrug the anger off (and thus hopefully also not feel digusted at myself anymore).

Withdrawal is also my main defense. But then I am diagnosed with SPD, so that figures, I guess.

People should be polite and walk around with an unruffled attitude. I hate it when the don't. And then, every once in a while I act the same way. Because I have a bad day. That's super confusing to me, because now I really ought to judge myself as harshly as I feel towards them. These days, I try to remind myself I also have bad days, and that the world would be a smoother experience for sure if everyone were more neutral, but also if it/people/we were more fogiving. Like they say, you can only change yourself. Right?