Thank you for the reply and hugs! It really means a lot to know someone is listening.

I used to keep a journal but I haven't in a couple years. I should probably start again.

As for taking time for myself, that's all I have. I haven't been able to work for over a year due to panic attacks and frequent crying which bosses and co-workers are never very sympathetic about. So I spend a lot of time just dwelling on things, really unhealthy I'm sure.

Oh, the icing on my whole pathetic family situation is that my dad's current wife is a social worker, in fact she teaches classes on it or something, and the last time I talked to her, she promised to help me find some low- or no- income therapy, but she never made good on it. She believes in really silly things like iridology and claims I have "post-abortion syndrome" which isn't even a real illness, and I've been depressed my whole life. It wasn't triggered by the abortion although having to go through that alone and keep it a secret was pretty awful.

I'm sorry I'm so complain-y here, this is just the first time I've found somewhere where people are supportive and not just impatient and angry with me.

Sometimes I dunno if I'm the crazy one, or if they are all nuts...