I give up. Nothing will ever actually get better. I can delude myself all I want with rah-rah videos and books and whatnot, but the reality is that I don't have a future that isn't suffering and pain, and I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm going to take all of the books back to the library because it was stupid of me to think I could have a better life.

I give up! Do you hear me universe?! I give up. You've won.