Hi Romantic Rose!

I could have written your post almost word for word. I am a heterosexual female. I like being feminine, but I don't spend too much time on my looks (i.e. I don't do makeup or style my hair). And yet I find the woman's body more pleasing to look at than men's. However, I am not sexually attracted to women. Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian and other women have wished the same of me. It would be easier not just because of my physical attractions, but also because I long for emotional intimacy with a women. But I'm not a lesbian or even bisexual. I have had dreams and fantasies of being with women physically and sexually, but the sexual ones turn me off. Sometimes I think I'd love a relationship with an asexual woman. But then I would miss sex with a man.

It's complicated to say the least. I'm slowly trying to understand it, or more like come to terms with it. My husband knows about this, and isn't bothered by it at all.

I don't know if this applies to you, but I was raised mostly by my dad. He would always point out beautiful women to me. I think I find women more attractive because I was trained to find beautiful women in a crowd for him. It's just a theory of mine.

Whatever the case, you're not alone. I hope you find peace with yourself.