Quote:
Originally Posted by *Beth*
Hello, welcome to the forum. I'm glad you brought your situation here. I hope it feels helpful to air things out and receive some feedback.
I have been married to my husband for about 40 years and he is 16 years older than I am. The age difference is significant, but our personalities are probably more so. We have two children, adults now, in their 30's. My husband and I raised my first child, my daughter, together. When she was 3 years old our son was born.
My daughter's biological father and I had been living together, we seemed to be mad about each other. When I told him I was pregnant he left, that very day.
btw, I also came from a family in which my father left - when I was 6 years old, in my case.
Just a bit of background on me.
I believe that the Skeezyks' post is wise. I agree with him. I will add this: slow down. Slow down. Today you are with the mother of your unborn child. She is only in her first trimester or barely into the second? Let's take it easy and allow her to make it through those essential first months.
Your plan to remain with your partner throughout the pregnancy is a smart plan. So right now, the focus is not on you. The focus is on, as you have said yourself, a healthy pregnancy. Is that correct? A good pregnancy requires a healthy mother. I'm sure you know that.
Pregnancy is a day-by-day endeavor. It is not Will I trek across Asia in a year? It is not OMG how many months after the birth should I stick around?
You do not sound like an asshole to me. You sound as naturally confused as almost every young father I've ever known is.
You have now. That is all you have. All those other plans...they come later. There is nothing you can truly plan in good conscience, and with honesty, until you are holding your newborn child.
Trust me.
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Hi Beth,
Thanks so much for reaching out and offering your life wisdom, it's very much appreciated.
You're right, for me, she's the #1 priority at the moment... I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I left her now. I never thought I'd be leaving a woman with my child (who does?). I hate the idea of making her a single mom (even though I'll fully financially support the child and will play an active part in their life)... but I feel that if I don't, I'll give up on my dreams, and will regret this decision once I grow old.
I know that you had a different experience with the father of your daughter, from my understanding he wasn't present at all. How did you manage? How would you react if he said that he's not ready, but wants to support you and your child?