I'm going back through my texts, emails, and my diary entries.

I just really hit a point where I refused to accept more blame from her. And she was having real memory gaps, blaming me for gaslighting her for things she didn't remember, and was hiding away in our room for hours at a time on the phone.

And I am STILL wondering what I could have done different, done better, etc.

Our oldest took a lot of anger from his mom. A lot more than I knew. He was at a point that if he wasn't supported he was ready to enlist into the regular forces just to not live at home anymore.

I hate this all so much.