Dear T,
Why is this vacation so hard for me? I saw you on Friday (though virtually), so it hasn't really been that long at all, but feels like forever. Maybe the unexpected virtual was part of it? And Monday seems very far away.

I wonder if it's because I was feeling good about the relationship and connected on Friday? I tend to sort of pull away and act more distant before you go away, and I didn't this time. Maybe it's easier in some ways if we're having a conflict or not in the best place or I'm feeling distant? I think it was also getting triggered by K, even if it was inadvertent.

I hope you aren't annoyed that I replied to your email with an insight and asking if I still have the option to email later in the week. I mean, I'd understand if you would be. I imagine you'll hold the boundary and not say anything in response till tomorrow morning, which is fine. Part of me feels like I should send an email saying "No need to respond, I assume other emails are fine, they could just incur a charge, which I already said I'm fine with." But then I'm just compounding the problem...

Ideally, I won't feel the need to email you again this week (unless it's sort of a check-in over the weekend to make sure you're back and ready to meet, like a one-sentence thing). But I think I'd feel better if you said, "Yes, email is still OK, LT." Maybe I just want the brief connection that getting a response would give me... Though maybe you won't reply. Or you might reply with irritation--maybe this is me trying to push you away by annoying you, I don't know. I wish I knew where you were... I can't explain why that would make me feel better, but it just would.

Miss and love you,
LT