Quote:
Originally Posted by Motts
You are not an asshole. You sound very rationale about your situation and show a lot of introspection about your own history so that you don't project your past onto your present circumstances.
Your feelings of guilt is your intuition triggering you to leave a relationship that has run its course. Her pregnancy happened. That does not obligate you to stay with her or marry her. Do you know how many people do that and then end up divorced? Too many.
You already know what you want to do so I will encourage you to follow through and do what's best for yourself. That does not mean you are repeating history the way your father left. If you stay, you stay for the baby and the mother which are two wrong reasons to stay especially if you don't love her anymore (which is normal, by the way, when the relationship has come to an end for one person). If you stay in a relationship with this woman just to satisfy her, the baby and society, you are not staying true to yourself.
You can easily support her through her pregnancy as her ex-boyfriend and you can easily have a relationship with your child with this woman, as her ex. People make their own rules. Sit down with your girlfriend and lay out the plan so that you can stay true to yourself (you don't want to be in the relationship with her anymore), still be there for her platonically, and be there for your child together (as many divorced couples successfully do).
But whatever you do, don't stay with her if you're no longer in love with her. You ca be single and still support her and your child together as friends. People do that all the time.
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Hi Motts,
Not going to lie, your comment really made my day so much better... thank you!
Feels great knowing that I'm not alone in this, and that my thinking is rationale... and yes, exactly like you said... I feel that if I stay then I won't be true to myself, which will make me regret it down the line...
I'm definitely staying for the pregnancy and the first few months... I owe her that much (and my child, to ensure a healthy pregnancy with minimal stress).
What's making it very hard as well is that I can see that she's trying her best to change for the better and is doing so much around the house and for me... but the problem is that while I see how she's growing as a person, my feelings are still the same... it's as if no matter what she does (and she's a fantastic woman), I can't change how I feel... I want to be there for her and my child... but if I don't live life my way...then I won't be my absolute best self, and won't enjoy this "family" experience... because my feelings are no longer there.