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Originally Posted by NPMAN
Hi Motts,
Not going to lie, your comment really made my day so much better... thank you!
Feels great knowing that I'm not alone in this, and that my thinking is rationale... and yes, exactly like you said... I feel that if I stay then I won't be true to myself, which will make me regret it down the line...
I'm definitely staying for the pregnancy and the first few months... I owe her that much (and my child, to ensure a healthy pregnancy with minimal stress).
What's making it very hard as well is that I can see that she's trying her best to change for the better and is doing so much around the house and for me... but the problem is that while I see how she's growing as a person, my feelings are still the same... it's as if no matter what she does (and she's a fantastic woman), I can't change how I feel... I want to be there for her and my child... but if I don't live life my way...then I won't be my absolute best self, and won't enjoy this "family" experience... because my feelings are no longer there.
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Why do you "owe" her anything though? The only person you owe anything to, is to yourself...to do what's best for your own wellbeing.
It's also a red flag that she's trying to keep you emotionally hooked on her, by changing for you. She should only change for herself, not for you or anyone else. Those types of changes, by the way, are only temporary, b/c they are used to manipulate the other person.
Like I already suggested, people can be platonic parents with each other without being involved in a romantic relationship together. It sounds to me, like that is the best alternative for you and your girlfriend.
You can break up with her and still be a platonic friend and loving parent to your child with her, without being her romantic boyfriend. That transition will either be messy or smooth depending on her agreement and commitment to that agenda. If she refuses, suggest a couple's counselor so that you have a mediator to keep the transition smooth for you both, emotionally-speaking.