(((((jamminpianogirl))))) I'm so sorry. My family is similiar to your husbands, yelling in our house just meant that you were right, the louder you are, the more right you are. My father and I debated just for the sake of debating.

Dealing with in-laws is difficult. If you and your boyfriend are able to sort this out before your married you'll have a leg up on many of us.

For the first 7 years we were married, hubby was in the service and every time I took the kids home to visit, he demanded that I spend exactly half our time at his parents house. Sounds reasonable, except at my house, all family and friends came to us, excited to see us. While I was at his parents home, I sat with my kids in an empty house 90% of the time. They didn't take vacation as my parents did, and continued doing their thing, like going to Bingo etc.

We've been married 22 years, and up until this year (when he finally had enough himself) we argued about holidays.

Is it possible to go to counceling? Have a third party listen and mediate? It's hard hearing unfavorable things about your family. I wish I could give you a way to deal with these things, the only thing I can say is that they're unlikely to change. Perhaps your boyfriend can respect your feelings and refuse to rise to his father's bait.