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Jan 18, 2023, 04:37 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NPMAN
Hi Beth,
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I know that you had a different experience with the father of your daughter, from my understanding he wasn't present at all. How did you manage? How would you react if he said that he's not ready, but wants to support you and your child?
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Yes, different in some ways. Had he told me, "I'm not ready, but I'll support you and our child," I would have told him that he knows full well that sex may result in pregnancy and that if you don't like the heat stay out of the kitchen.
I didn't expect to stay with my daughter's bio father because he was from another country and there was no way he could legally remain in the U.S. unless we married...and I did not want to marry.
What did I do? I was 21, had absolutely no income because I was let go from my good job when I became pregnant. I returned to the relationship I had left because my now-husband would not stop bothering me. He insisted that we would have a wonderful marriage, he wanted to raise the child together, dah, dah, dah.
After a couple of years we married, and we're still married, but have not lived together for many years. Long story. Our son is a fine, decent man. So for him I am glad I married his father. For me, the marriage has been one heart break after another and another and another.
Interestingly, my daughter and my husband (who raised her) are very close to each other. In fact, they are a lot alike in personality.
When my daughter was in her mid-30's her bio father contacted me, saying he wanted to communicate with her. So stupidly, I gave him her email address. There have been problems ever since. It was like opening the door and letting a demon in.
That my daughter's father took off, especially after professing love to me, and even though we were so close and lived together, caused...I don't even have the word...a nightmare in my life. (He never gave me any financial support at all, btw.)
My genuine belief? As I said. When a man and a woman have sex, one would hope they are both mature enough to accept responsibility for a child that may be created. And, in my experience with my daughter and with other children who do not live with both biological parents, that child will carry many negative feelings about itself - no matter what that child is told or taught about how much it is loved, how precious it is.
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