Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosi700
Thank you! 
I don't think in those terms. I don't have "low hanging" fruits ... To me it is intellecually satisfying to go from the automatic thought and see if I can find the core belief (positive or negative) beneath it. What I like most is to think about if a thought is realistic or not. Is it realistic that my brother shall call me and wish me "Happy New Year"? He has not done that for years, so the answer is no. Well, then I don't have to feel depressed either. It is not my fault ... Either I overlook the situation and think about something else, or I call him myself. It is my choice. That is what complex use of CBT is about : To be more and more able to chose the best reaction to outer or inner stimuli.
For the time beieng I am having a set-back. What is fun about this is to think about what is the most realistic ways to drag myself up again? What do I know about myself that is good to use in this situation? CBT is more complex then thinking: "I am not good enough" or similar. The way of thinking that the CBT forms lay up to, becomes innate the more one repeats them. So changing thinking really does change feelings ... 
You have probably other ways to tacle you depression and other ... Read that you probably have anemia. Good luck with your general health, Rose!  |
I have a similar relationship with my brother. He hasn't spoken to me in ten years. I don't know where he is . . . or even if he's still alive. It's unlikely I will ever hear from him. He got angry with me for some stupid reason. I think of him every day and I mourn the loss of him from my life. I hope he's okay. That would probably only be true, if he were in a prison somewhere. That's where he is safest.
I don't get depressed over him anymore. I've had loads of time to adjust to the reality of what I can expect - that I won't hear from him. Once in a while, I shed some tears, thinking of him and the awful existance he experiences: alcoholic, drugged, in and out of jail, homeless, wandering, horribly alone and alienated, physically wasted. I cry once in a while because I love him. It's a sad feeling I get, but not depressing. I know what to expect, and I've adjusted to that reality.
With the sister I mentioned above, I don't know what to expect. She is erratic. At times, she's my best friend. I enjoy that while it lasts. Then, when she's drinking, everything can change. She can blow up at me and then distance herself. Maybe she doesn't call me for a year. Then, out of the blue, she calls and all is fine. A person she loves one day - she may hate the next . . . and vice versa. Sometimes I lose track of whether I'm in her white book, or her black book. It's crazy making. I like her too much to just stop having a relationship with her. She becomes genuinely confused and gets intensely angry when that's not called for. She has physically attacked people and gotten arrested for it. I'm exhausted trying to "manage" my relationship with her. Things between us had been very good for quite a spell. But, when I was sick this summer, things got crazy. A wine-fueled phone call started nice, but went off the rails. I did learn that trying to reason with an inebriated person is a fool's errand. Over recent months, it became apparent that I was on her black list. I've been very sad about that. It fed in to me getting depressed. Today I'm on her white list. She always self-justifies. She gets confused and she confuses me. DBT and CBT can't sort this out for me. It's a nauseating ride.