Oh wow, East, that would confuse my head and my heart I think. In answer to your question, no, I don't know what the ethics are, but personally I think that she should make contact, because she had said that she would. To me, that is the most ethical thing to do; to do what they say they will do, especially because you asked back at the time.

I'm not sure what I would do myselff, except to tie myself in knots!

Maybe time will give you an answer. If you can't live with the not knowing, maybe eventually you will decide to reach out, preferring to take the potential pain of knowing over the constant uncertainty of not. Or maybe you will decide that that period of your journey is in the past, and that that is where it should stay.

It sounds like a really difficult position to be in though, and I really feel for you.