I am a 55 year old man. I have been married for 26 years. I have three children, the youngest being 20 years old.

Basically I am in a loveless marriage. We live like we are two separate people living in the same house. I fell out of love with my wife many years ago. There has been no intimacy in a long time. The last time, and the times before it have always been me to instigate any intimacy, including love making, and then it has been like making love to a pillow, there is no attempt to reciprocate. I could probably go as far to say it has always been me to instigate any intimacy, even when we were first married.

My wife, on a three or four occasions, when we have had a disagreement, has turned around and said to me “Shall we divorce”. The arguments have been trivial disagreements and it hurt that she could say that for such small matters. However, I am from a broken home as my dad left me when I was only 5 years old and I always vowed to never divorce and put my own kids through the same pain I went through from not having dad in my life (my mother never remarried). For that reason I would back down from the arguments so as not to take a chance that my wife would go through with the threat. That was probably a mistake on my behalf. She became the dominant power in the marriage with the threat of divorce so she had that power over me. To be fair, I would mention that she may have said it in anger, but nevertheless it affected me that a remark can be made so easily.

Now I am at a point in my life where I need to move on. I will admit that I am scared of telling my wife I want a divorce because (a) I don't want to hurt her feelings, and (b) I don't want to go through the hurt feelings myself. Just reaching out for some advice/suggestions/support.