Hey, thanks for sharing those personal memories with us, it’s very understandable you’ve got the mixed feelings you have.

I (or anyone on here) can’t tell you what happened when or why within your family life, it’s likely extremely complex, it’s possibly something that was already there (but not apparent) when you met your wife, but you can only deal with things as they come one step at a time. Try not to reproach yourself, keep your energy for the day you face today, you can’t change the past only the present.