I'm still trying to work out if you are a 'good guy' or a 'bad guy' tonight. I'm still very unsure, and I imagine this will take some working through. I tried to write my diary tonight. I did write my diary tonight, even though I honestly don't remember a lot of the session. I couldn't put a finger on how I was feeling, so out came the feelings wheel. The one that I landed on, was drawn to, took me by surprise. I never would have guessed that one. But it has led me down an interesting path, and I'm starting to make some more sense of what happened on Tuesday. It's SO hard trying to navigate feelings. Especially these more complicated ones. In the binder with the feelings wheel is a DBT workbook I printed off years ago. I decided to use one of the sheets to try and explore this a little more, and it's opened up a really interesting pathway. It's been like dredging up a car that's stuck fast in the mud, but I do think I've made some headway, and I'm proud of myself. I want to say "I hope you are proud of me too" but right now I'm not sure I want you on my side anymore, if I'm being honest. Given my experience of you, I hope we can work this through, but I'm not holding my breath.