Zoiecat - Thank you for your response!

You're right, the topic isn't unknown to L, AND she's actually never had a client with this issue. Of course it is trauma, so it's in her realm of expertise. I just still worry about her. I live with it haunting me, and I don't want her to suffer as well. I don't want these evil thoughts in her head.

L believes talking about it, "letting it into the light" will help ease the pain. Tomorrow, I think, we will be talking about the whys: why did this happen, why does it exist in me, and why does she feel it's understandable. I think if we can figure out the whys, it might help me understand more, which hopefully helps me cope with it better. It's just all very scary to me.