I talked to my case worker today. She brought up the h*sp*tal. All because I told her I was talking to a guy I had an up and down past with (she says he's manipulating me), and after the conversation she asked me if I was going to self harm (in any way, cutting, substance use, or b/p) tonight and I said "I sure feel like I might." I didn't say anything about sui, I didn't say I was definitely going to do anything other than play the guitar and the piano. Just seems so fccking ridiculous. ACT is supposed to keep me out of the hospital but this is the fourth time they've tried putting me in there SINCE AUGUST, and once they were successful.

So she's going to call me back around 5pm tonight to make sure I haven't done anything and don't plan on doing anything. I want to shoot up so badly for the first time in a couple months. Crystal will make things feel alright and I won't have to have those terrible dreams because I won't sleep. Therapy was triggering this week, case management (which is basically therapy at home) was triggering. I have a pdoc appointment next week and my case worker said she's going to tell my pdoc about the guy thing (she'll probably mention my self-harm comment too). I got some labs done next week and a few things were off electrolyte-wise so maybe she'll force me IP or residential, idk.