The fact that other people including your sons see you as a good caring man that is struggling and being treated badly is important for you to pay attention to.

Your wife is not happy and no longer wants the marriage. Your wife has been consistently expressing that to you. You can’t fix or change her.

It’s nice that this other woman offered her support. Yet, you are a private person and taking her up on sharing your private problems can be risky, especially if she is a work college.