Well, I have blocked him and also told him to stop communicating with me. I said it's impacting my mental health. He hasn't reached out since.

His words are haunting me. His words of "maybe this wasn't the correct course of action".

Yesterday was a really really really bad day for me in regards to my marriage. I was missing him, lamenting on the good parts and all the good times. I think I must still be trauma bonded to him, because I wanted so badly to reach out to him. I wanted things to be OK between us again. This was my day yesterday - struggling with all these thoughts and emotions that are pulling me back towards my husband. Instead, I reached out to a girlfriend and asked her to help me to be strong.

And, I know it's mainly because I am facing yet another challenging time in my life. I want moral support.

But then, I know the real truth - and the real truth of the matter is that IF I did let him back into my life, he would be even more stressed about making ends meet financially, and he would put all of his own stress on me again. I can barely manage my own stress right now. I don't need HIS stress on top of my stress. And that's what it's truly like living with him. I have to manage both our stress, and honestly, it's just too much for me to handle.

I know it was just a weak moment - or a weak day. That's all it is. I am remaining steadfast in my stance and I did not reach out to him, despite all my contrary emotions telling me to do so.

I have to be stronger than ever before. This circumstance in my life is forcing me to reach a new height in inner strength. It is HARD, I can tell you that. I am struggling for certain, and with each day that passes, it seems to be getting harder, not easier.

I wish I could just take a pill that would make me forget all about him.