Dear OP,Do you have children in this marriage? If so,do they know about her behaviours?I wonder what your children have to say if they were raised in this long term dysfunctional marriage. How did you end up staying and continue to suffer for 40 years?Are you dependant on her in some way?Financial or otherwise.How about her family?Can you reach out to her parents and try to ask for some kind of help?I mean if you know info about any kind of past traumatic experiences in her life,that might help perhaps.There must be a solution somewhere. I mean why suffer like that? Especially if it has been going on for 40 years? If she is benefiting from her passive aggressive ways ,then why would you expect her to change now and expect her to suddenly be the adult in this relationship?She already knows you ain't going nowhere.Her ways have rewarded her for long.It works so she will not change .