Definitely true Open Eyes. Do you have experience with gambling addicts? I never really understood before.
And the finances have been separate. In fact from the beginning he had me set up to be in complete control of the Financials. His idea. Nothing is in both our names. But we are married so ultimately the law obligates us for each other here.
Accounts are in his name only through online only bank and direct deposits for paychecks are set up. I am the only one with the log in info and I keep the card. We buy gift cards for incidentals for him.
That all being said, he still manages to find loopholes and a good portion of our debt is either his gambling debt or items I bought that he really wanted and then only used a couple of times.

So I guess this isn't only on him. I have put up with to much for too long. I hate giving up on people.

My confusion is why so sudden? At the beginning of November he didn't consider leaving and was happier, although not much more committed in actions.
Then after we fought about him breaking his promise to not talk to his ex and I kicked him out he seems to be set on being on his own and doesn't seem to include me in a future in his thoughts. It is all about him going off on his own and then all he says is he doesn't know.
I did end up letting him back home then with the caveat that it was temporary until I decided what I wanted. The conditions were simple. If he wanted to be with me, he would control his gambling, leave the ex alone, and show me how important I was to him.

And I am floundering here. As I have mentioned, he is NOT taking nearly any opportunity to show me I am important. That part is very clear. I am floundering because it hurts me so much that after giving him everything and being such an easy going, patient and positive force in his life, he is choosing life without me.

I think that resonates with everyone on here. We all make mistakes in relationships. I have done so much work and all, but I am human. But all we want is to be loved "warts and all" right?

Feel free to give an "amen" or something here. The crickets are deafening.