Ever since I was 4, and had my traumatic crime ridden accident happen to me, I have not been able to have the most productive or even satisfying life, and over and over again I've suffered loss after loss that I'm unable to get over. From being abused by mother, to being a constant sick kid mentally and physically missing out on extracurricular activities, to losing a family member who ended up in prison, to not being able to have what I wanted in my life, missed opportunities, people taking advantage of me, failed jobs and relationships, even to losing my dignity and innocence as a child. I have had so many things taken away from me, and over the course of time they've piled up. To this day I've become numb from it all, and I can't stop ruminating on the past. I even have nightmares, recurring dreams, and sleep paralysis. I don't know how to cope with it.