Wow RD, I panicked a little reading about the woman at work, but it sounds like you realize your own proclivity towards needing to be needed. You're doing the right thing to keep her at an arm's length, but it's also okay to take the moment to absorb that you are still a visible, valid human being.

That thing I said about salt and pepper shakers earlier, and then about being an individual... As a codependent myself, my thought process has been that if you can't find contentment alone, you won't find it in a relationship. It sounds like you may already have come to that conclusion yourself.

Have you read any literature like Codependent No More? If you haven't, it's a good read for sorting out the mind. There's a free download somewhere online of the steps workbook that goes with that book. I found it very helpful to "work the steps". It can give a lot of insight about motives and habits.

Stay strong!