Moody, there are a lot of good articles online about reasons people use the silent treatment as a coping mechanism. The gyst seems to be that it generally comes around to getting some need met from the other person. It's hard not to respond sometimes, especially when you feel like you love someone and want to make things better. The silent treatment is powerful, and it is abuse.

I don't know why my DH does it. Sometimes I think he's just a toxic control freak, other times I think he might have damage and literally can't organize and sort thoughts enough to communicate effectively - and he recognizes it. No matter the cause, I still have to take care of me. Its taken a long time to realize that I can be compassionate towards him without compromising myself (ie, apologizing for something I didn't even do or doing something I don't want to just to put him back in a better place.)

One thing that's easy to lose sight of though, is that if the silent treatment works for them, and you respond in a way that makes them more comfortable, it is positive reenforcement, and you may get more and more of it as a result. I worry that this is why my DH has seemingly gotten worse, because I've been such a "good wife" over the years that he's learned to be a jerk to get his way, kwim? Unfortunately, people like that have so few healthy coping mechanisms that once you stop playing your part for them, it can become quite a long game. At a point it's hard for a healthy person to not try and engage their bad behavior in an effort to fix what's wrong- and they know that instinctively. It's really very difficult. It's such a damaging behavior that its like a downward spiral that's nion impossible to pull out of.