Mendingmysoul, I would, and do, believe you.

I have several people in my life history who are two faced in that same way. One of the reasons we don't socialize much anymore is because DH gears up and is a completely different person around visitors. I can't stand it. Worse yet, he says he sees it and seems confused about it. Manipulation, or some survival instinct that's masking a Neuro problem? You decide. I don't know. But I do know somewhat what you are talking about.