Work was ok. We got a new student, he’s not bad, he’ll fit right in. It was tough though because I just wanted to leave and go back to bed.
I’m kind of crawling around weighed down to the ground, it feels like. I just want to sleep but I can’t, like physically can’t. It’s a familiar depression. My eyes feel sunken, my chest feels heavy and tight. My brain is mush, and I just want to cry but I never will.
Strong SH thoughts still today. I was laying in bed for an hour after I got home but it just made things worse. So now I’m up but I’m still miserable. I just have to keep going I guess. One foot in front of the other until it improves.
I did decide to go back on the meds I left behind. Failed experiment. Propranolol really does help my anxiety as long as I take it regularly. It’s not a rescue med like Xanax for me. I went back up to 2mg haldol as well. Hopefully in a few days the anxiety will subside and so will the depression.
Hopefully I don’t smoke again before that happens. Def almost bought cigarettes today and it’s been three years. I just quit vaping two months ago and I don’t really want to start that again either. But I guess it’s better than smoking. Not less expensive though.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
-Albus Dumbledore
That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
-Garden State
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