I just had a sudden, out-of-the-blue, epiphany of sorts - about your continued insistence about how I don't really know you. What hit me is that maybe, maybe, you were trying to show me that just as I was 'using' you as a 'good mother' and I didn't really know you, perhaps in a similar kind of way I never really knew my actual mother (beyond her judgmental and anti-emotional outer shell) ????!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!? and realizing that I don't really know her... maybe... she's not all bad?????????????????????