Read your journal and remember how miserable he made you feel. Read your opening post in this thread. Divine is right... he would see your contact as complete weakness and manipulate you even more than before. Abuse escalates until you break the cycle. And you are breaking the cycle by not contacting him. Contacting him is a doorway to more misery, not less.

You will get through this tough time. It's hard. It's OK to feel scared. It's normal. Indulge in some self care by watching something funny or singing into a hairbrush like you're 12 and your favorite song came on the radio. A few minutes to remind you that you are worthy of happiness.