Honestly? I feel like I need to do something and I am not ready to jump back into therapy. I thought I might be but I'm not.

I don't know. I'm just sorta feeling at my wits end lately and I don't know what else to do. I guess I'm thinking dulling my feelings with meds again will make the situation more tolerable while I figure out how to leave. I never got any whoosh from meds when I was on them years ago. They helped clear my head initially, and dulled my feelings so I could better tolerate the horrid job I was working at the time without drinking every night.

I guess the short answer is I don't know what else to do and I don't want to let myself get back to the point where I was when I first saw pdoc in 2008. That was the lowest point of my life.