I don't know what type of thoughts you are having scarlet. I have bad thoughts, violent ones, and I hate them, most of the time, but I don't persume you have the same kind of thoughts. I'd like to think if I can be helped, then so can you (and ideally vice versa..). My T is helping me. I feel more now, I feel scared and sad and sometimes I want to throw up when those thoughts come. To me, these are good things. I don't like them, but I judge them to be good. I feel my emotions more, and that means I can work with them, wereas when I am numb or running, I cannot.

I don't know what to tell you. It feels as if L went a bit too fast there, tbh. You should share, and push to share at times, but maybe not quite as far. I hope the next sessions will be calmer and stabilizing.