Hugs, Artie. If it was a particular med that worked for you, as NP mentioned, you might see if your GP could prescribe it, at least for now. P-docs tend to be very expensive (you don't want to know what my daughter's charges!), and with this time of year, even if you found one that takes your insurance, like you said, you're up against the deductible. For the actual med, if you get a more common one (like Zoloft or Prozac) in generic form, they're really cheap.

Hope it's OK to mention this here, but in Dear T, you mentioned reaching out to L. I don't see anything wrong with this, particularly if you want to talk about what's going on in your life right now and get some guidance/support. And if you made that clear in the email (rather than wanting to talk about your relationship with her, though that would be OK, too). If you don't want to try someone new, that might be the best option.

I also think it could be worth looking into someone new, even if you said you aren't ready. You used something through your EAP before--can you get a limited number of sessions of more regular therapy through that, maybe? (as opposed to the CBT program.) I just think it can help to have someone to listen to all the feelings you're experiencing. It wouldn't have to turn into an intense relationship like with L, if that is your concern (which I understand--and I'm probably the wrong person to be saying it doesn't have to become that, but oh well).

You deserve to be treated better than your H treats you. And to have a job that doesn't make you miserable. Sending hugs....