Uuuuugh horrible night. Just terrible thoughts. So upset. RS was crying over me, I was in hysterical tears and I do not cry unless it’s really bad. I’m trying really hard. I know my therapist and RS understand that. I understand that. I’m telling myself it’s only temporary, the emotions are uncomfortable but won’t hurt me but it’s just so hard and so painful.

I went to work a half hour late and I left early (but I’m going back I just need a break). I did make an earlier appt with my psych nurse, next Tuesday was the best they could do but I guess that’s better than February 9. RS is really afraid I’m going to go back IP. I’m afraid it will be forced on me but I don’t think so, I have no plans with intent. As long as I can keep my cool I’ll be ok. RS said we should go to the gym for a walk today, he’s right so I’m really, really going to try. If I can make myself get in the car I can make it there. It helps that I’m already wearing leggings to work so I only have to change my shoes.

Idk what my pnurse will do, she’s got to help me somehow. I can’t screw up Florida again this year.