I think my sister is being a real jerk. To not even call me over the holidays was very mean. Either she's been mad at me, or she is just that indifferent. The second case is worse than the first. I'm not saying she has zero concern for me. She's not a complete monster. But she is very hurtful. She has quite a track record of being hurtful toward others. She's always been more of a taker than a giver.

A little while ago she texted me. We never communicated via text. She once told me she hates texting because she is a bad speller. So I very seldom texted her. She used to typically call me late in the evening and want to talk for at least two hours. It seemed she'ld call sometimes when she felt lonely. Then she'ld talk and talk and talk. My arm would get sore holding the phone.

The other day, I called her. I said I was disappointed to not hear from her over the holiday season. I didn't criticize her. The chat was short, but friendly. We talked about my car. She likes to give car advice. I thanked her and said I was getting stressed out and feeling kind of low. I said I would appreciate hearing from her more often.

So, this morning I get a text from her, asking about my car. That might seem perfectly normal. From someone else, it might be. But it's not normal from her to me. This is her being minimally responsive. I don't know what kind of acting out it could be. At Christmas, I had thought she was mad at me. I had thought she was acting out her anger by ignoring me, as a way of giving me the cold shoulder. That's still pretty nasty . . . to convey that at Christmastime. I just had a milestone birthday, which she also ignored.

We'ld been very close for years. She used to call a lot. I haven't visited in over two years. So it may be that I've just dropped off her radar, and she's just not very mindful of my existance. That wouldn't be unlike her, though she hadn't been that way to me in years.

When my father got very sick, I flew out to see him. The first thing he said to me was that this sister had not been visiting him. Then he cried. I'ld only seen my father cry once before, which was when my mother died. My sister met me at the hospital and made some odd, cryptic remark about "that old man." Clearly she was pissed off at him. I didn't ask her to elaborate because I wasn't interested in hearing about intra-family spats, when my father was so awful sick. I thought she was being cruel toward him. I was surprised that she could be like that when he was so sick. I knew they were both prone toward grudge holding. I wasn't there to get in the middle of that kind of stuff.

My sister can be thoughtless. Calling her treatment of me over recent months "thoughtless" is putting the best face on things. Maybe that's all it is. But that's pretty bad, in light of how I've always cared about her.

Getting the text from her today made me very sad. I woke up depressed. I had relied on my friendship with her, as though we were best friends, as well as sisters. This past summer, I was admitted to the hospital 3 times. She hardly ever called to ask how I was, while my other sister kept closely in touch. That's when I started to suspect that something was not right.

About 14 years ago, I went to the hospital very sick. I called this sister from the emergency room.
She responded in a drunk, angry voice that she had her own problems to worry about and hung up on me. She didn't even ask what was wrong with me. We hadn't had any falling out previous to that. I should have learned from that. Instead, I made excuses that she must have been having a bad day.

I'm feeling awful abandoned by her. She was my favorite in the family. I have to get over this. I'm lying down because I feel so sad. I know what I'm doing is wrong. I should try to do something around the house.