(editing to try to shorten a little)This afternoon at work I had a bit of a breakdown, was a sobbing hot mess on the phone with my sup and lead. they managed to get me tomorrow off to rest. then I called my regular doc & left a message wanting to schedule an appt to see if she can prescribe me Sertraline cuz that's what I took in the past and am familiar with. Hoping they can get me in soon. I also did some more hard thinking about L - and decided to go ahead and ask for one session being clear that's all I'm asking for. Once I decided to ask, it still took me a good 40 minutes to hit the send button. Anyway, I'm going to see her on Friday morning. My head is of course a bit conflicted about this, but my heart is now feeling calm so I think it will be okay. She sent me a form to fill out so I can be clear on what I want from this session, so I am seeing that as a very good sign.

I feel like I can breathe a sigh of relief about everything now and I feel slightly removed from the sadness. Things are in motion to talk to my regular dr, I have a session scheduled with L that my heart very much wants, even if my head isn't sure, and I have 2 days off in a row to really rest. Maybe that little breakdown today was a good thing after all even though it felt pretty awful at the time.