Quote:
Originally Posted by AliceKate
I don't know what type of thoughts you are having scarlet. I have bad thoughts, violent ones, and I hate them, most of the time, but I don't persume you have the same kind of thoughts. I'd like to think if I can be helped, then so can you (and ideally vice versa..). My T is helping me. I feel more now, I feel scared and sad and sometimes I want to throw up when those thoughts come. To me, these are good things. I don't like them, but I judge them to be good. I feel my emotions more, and that means I can work with them, wereas when I am numb or running, I cannot.
I don't know what to tell you. It feels as if L went a bit too fast there, tbh. You should share, and push to share at times, but maybe not quite as far. I hope the next sessions will be calmer and stabilizing.
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Thanks Alice!
It was my fault for going so fast; not L's. This all was my idea. Well, several months ago she did suggest that one day I might want to tell her my thoughts. But the choice to do it now and write it all out was my idea. She did encourage me, but she always encourages me to follow my wise-mind.
I'm not sure if I regret it yet. L says she doesn't regret it. She says she won't reject me or abandon me. I guess I'm used to judgmental people in my life. Like my past church did an exorcism on me for my thoughts and depression (they didn't know details).
I'm glad your T is helping you and you're feeling more. Maybe that's part of what I need? I feel a lot of feelings normally. And I do feel disgust for my thoughts. But they're still there. I wish for more than anything for them to go away. That's the only way I can imagine healing the wounds that caused the thoughts.
It does give me hope that you're getting help for your thoughts. Thank you for sharing with me. If I figure anything out, I'll repost here too!