Did I talk to a lawyer?

Yes, one on retainer that had our whole story and told me buying the 2nd home was a non issue.

Then my lawyer friend volunteered that info over coffee.

Today I fired my lawyer.

Maybe my friend was wrong. He has 35 years experience (about 10 in family law), but he spoke strongly from a perspective of fighting for me. My lawyer wasn't of that mindset. Find the middle ground, accept you're going to pay a lot for a long time, keep it out of family court. Pay her and let her go away.

My buddy was like...... NO NO NO....YOU are the responsible adult in your home. Anything paid to her lessens the chances of a college education for your kids! No! She's mentally ill and possibly an addict, who's threatened you and your oldest with "girl power" crap. Great. Go be powerful. Let her come up with the money for all this on her own. Cut. Her. Off. Cancel her visa, take her off your car insurance, everything. NOTHING you do in financial negotiations will bring her back or open the door to reconciliation if that's on your mind. So, from a mental illness or addiction stand point she has to crash before she'll get help, and if you want to reconcile, show her she needs you. Never negotiate from a place of weakness. You're in the family home caring for the kids, while shes blowing money. Cut. Her. Off. All you have to do is nothing. Take your house off the market. She either burned through a stockpile of money or credit for that new apartment and furniture. She's acting as if the house is sold and support payments are coming. Go home. Take down the realtor sign and email them you aren't selling. Get your kids through the school year. In six months her finances are going to change. If she has to work more to live, great. Then you have proof she can work full time. And you document every hour and every ounce of material you put in that house since she left. Anything that retains or enhances the value through your dime and your work is negotiable in the settlement, and that could take years.

Kids had a snow day and big kid got sent home from work due to weather.

I got home at 530 and he's setting up an apartment in our basement.

They took down their mom's photos and her paintings. They had packed her stuff and unpacked their own.

I felt sick. I asked, What are you guys doing? Reply: if She gets to have her place away from us, we get to have ours away from her.


RDM