I’m still pretty sick but I don’t think my brain can focus on two things at once so even though the depression and SH thoughts are still there they’re not as intense. Hopefully it stays that way. I went back to the 1mg haldol, 2mg is just too much side effect wise. The propranolol is definitely helping anxiety as well. I’m still seeing pnurse on Tuesday (virtually bc covid) so maybe I’ll get on something for depression. The lamictal helped for six years so I should be grateful for that at least. Idk, I’ll have to see what ideas she has. I will stress that I can’t take SSRI or SNRI though. Those send me straight into full blown mania pretty quick no matter how low the dose.

RS is being so nice to me through all this. It’s different having someone so supportive. No one’s ever been this supportive or loving to me during intense episodes. And I did find something that helps get through intense SH thoughts. I need to squeeze something (I have squishy squeeze toys) in my left hand and an ice pack in my right and pour all the tension into squeezing. It takes awhile but it does calm me down, at least for a bit. Better than nothing.

I do wish I could take a walk, it’s finally sunny and sort of warm Ish. But even putting just my socks and underwear away took my breath away and weakened me so that’s out of the question. I did open the blinds in my bedroom though so I can sun myself like a cat haha.