I am so very sorry that you are bearing such a heavy burden of suffering because of your OCD.

You mention that you have a psychotherapist that you are not able to contact as often as you need.

Are you on any medications for OCD. The reason I ask is because this illness has genetic and biological components that often respond to treatment.

Sometimes it can be helpful to some people to go to a hospital emergency room or emergency department if they are experiencing extreme distress and mental anguish as a result of mental illness.

I don't know if that would be doable for you or helpful but perhaps it is something to consider. I went to a hospital emergency room when my depression became an absolute agony and it helped me.

Hopefully others here with more knowledge, experience and wisdom regarding OCD will see your post and respond kindly and in a really helpful way to your distress.

I suffer a mild form of OCD so I must apologize to you for not being able to be really helpful even though I want to be.

My heart goes out to you. Please lean on us here for moral support during your struggles so you won't be all alone with your OCD and the distress it is causing you.