You may or may not find this helpful:

In the past it seemed to be both of us (my h and me) who were doing the high highs and low lows. I then made myself very clear that I want steady consistency and will not engage in the high/low dance. I have stopped. I now observe that it is him trying to do the high lows. I’m not taking the bait. For whatever reason, he is incapable of giving me normal, healthy, moderate consistency. The only thing I can do is disengage, separate, individuate. I’m never going to get what I need from him. I have grieved that already. I’m just being compassionate to myself and to him.