Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
You may or may not find this helpful:
In the past it seemed to be both of us (my h and me) who were doing the high highs and low lows. I then made myself very clear that I want steady consistency and will not engage in the high/low dance. I have stopped. I now observe that it is him trying to do the high lows. I’m not taking the bait. For whatever reason, he is incapable of giving me normal, healthy, moderate consistency. The only thing I can do is disengage, separate, individuate. I’m never going to get what I need from him. I have grieved that already. I’m just being compassionate to myself and to him.
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I understand fully, Tisha. You are protecting yourself and your emotions as best as you can, which is all you can really do in your situation, unless you choose to leave.
I will not be returning to my husband or my marriage. My mind is made up. I don't feel the same feelings for him. I am not in love with him, and I do not wish to be with him again.
And, I don't have it within me to return to him while maintaining any peace of mind. I know that if I did choose to return, my inner voice would be screaming at me - at the top of her lungs. lol.
I just don't have the desire OR the energy to try again, after ALL he's done to me. I just don't. And I don't trust him. If I cannot trust him, I cannot be with him in a relationship.
So, there's that.