Help! My boyfriend of 2 and half years have twin baby girls. He took a job for great money 4 hours away and only comes home 2 days a week. While he was away I discovered he has a severe addiction to buying porn. He has spent thousands. The crazy part is we do have an active and great sex life. The other part, and I'm not trying to be conceited but I am gorgeous, inside and out. I'm a solid soul and a really good person. No I'm not perfect and I've been insecure in this relationship and all of this explains why. Because I didn't feel seen and I knew there were secrets. His problem started way before we met. And I always felt like he was nervous and distracted in some way and has barely fully been present. If we didn't have babies I would have not tried as hard and stayed in this. I was slightly relieved when I found out because it explains all of his defensiveness, and him being closed off. Obviously he's in the shame cycle. He agreed to get help. He's admitted to his struggles and all and gets better and becomes more open and loving when he's home for a little bit. BUT, every time he goes back to his other job where he is overworked and doesn't make time to work on himself and talk to the counselor and listen to the audiobooks, he turns on me and becomes an asshole and goes back to buying porn. He doesn't know I can see his account which confirms it. But, I already intuitively know it because his energy and demeanor changes. He becomes a cold hearted, defensive jerk. So here I am, basically a single mom of twins that are 14 months old. I am struggling because he is still lying and being an asshole and there's nothing I can do.
I said I would support him getting help, finding a job back home and coming back here. He likes this new job and wanted me to move there but I don't feel safe going. And my intuition says no. I've had no commitment or consistency and I won't expose my baby girls to the instability. I did try and he was a really mean and nasty when I went there. Again, this addiction explains a lot. I have a home that's paid off and rent free also so why would I move and add on the stress having to pay 3,000 a month. I also work in the TV business and there are no studios within 100 miles of his new job. He only recently started helping me pay for more things. I set boundaries and he already broke them all. He wouldn't be such a jerk if he was coming home to his family at the end of the night. It's hard because I could use the help for the 2 days when he is off but at the same time, I can't continue a relationship with him while he becomes this cold hearted lying jerk still buying porn. I don't want him around the babies when he's unstable as well. But, I'm a single mom of twin babies and I have no help!! I only get help when I go to work which is every other weekend. I'm struggling so bad and am reaching out for any advice, encouragement or anything to help uplift me. I mean its only been 2 weeks since I found out so I'm still in shock at this point as well.. Me setting boundaries hasn't worked, he's just going to apologize and make promises again so he can come home for the 2 days. He has told me he would get a new job and move back but he hasn't been looking. I can't connect and us both be on this healing journey when he shuts down, overworks, ignores me and starts buying porn again. He doesn't know I can see his stuff also.. So of course he's telling me I'm crazy and he's getting help. But won't prove it via receipts and call logs. I feel so hurt especially because of these wonderful beautiful baby girls we have that he claims to love but it feels like he doesn't want to change even for them...