Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
Ever since I spoke with one of my closest girlfriends this morning, I have felt completely drained of all energy - it's like she sucked the life force out of me. I have an interview to prep for tomorrow, and I haven't been able to truly devote my energy to prepping. I had called her so that I could receive some support, yet she turned the conversation around to be all about her life complaints for about 40 minutes. She didn't even pause so that I could respond. It was an endless spew of her issues. I didn't even get the support that I had initially called about. She does this once in a while. She also interrupts and talks over me constantly. Sometimes I can’t get a word in.
Another girlfriend continuously disappoints me because she has no follow through and is completely unreliable. She says let's do something today, then won't follow up. Or she'll tell me she'll call me that day and she won't. She has cancelled plans on me twice and I am basically fed up with the constant disappointment in her.
A third friend texts me nearly everyday about the abuse he is experiencing from his girlfriend. It’s all negative crap and it drains me.
I am going through a divorce and I just recently became unemployed - yet again.
I am facing my own issues, and these few friends are starting to drive me nuts and take my energy away.
I think I need to back off from them and take care of myself. I am fed up with each of them... and I know I need new friends, too. That's not happening right now while I am stressed and unemployed looking for work.
Are these three people toxic for me?????
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Yes, all of those so called fake ‘friends’ are definitely 100% toxic & selfish. Have they always been like that? Be straightforward & tell each of them exactly how you feel.
Tell that one friend that you don’t have the time to listen to her issues ar the moment since you need to focus on prepping for your job interview.
Maybe you never set boundaries & suffer in silence m? If so, speak up. If that friend won’t shur uo, then interrupt her & then without hesitation say that you have to go & then hang up.
Next time text these people IF you decide to keep them around. Then you can ignore their texts for awhile.
I think you’ll be much better off alone than with people who make you feel alone. Robin Williams said something to that effect.
Make better new friends. Join meetup.com. It’s free. Volunteer or take some fun classes to meet people. Join Nextdoor & post something about wanting to meet new people. I did & I have met three women so far for walks & tea.
Please ditch these self absorbed users who treat yiu like a free therapist. I have ditched toxic friends who only talked about themselves ad nauseum.
IF you do keep these people around, then never rely on them for support. Just do activities with them like going to a movie to where you don’t need to listen to them talk that much, lol 😆
I’d talk to them all in person firsr though & calmly describe how their behavior makes you feel using I statements. Like I feel dismissised & unsupported when I specifically asked for support in helping me prep for my job interview & instead you just kept talking about your personal issues.
As for the flaky one, meet her in a group so if she doesn’t show uo, you still have other people to hang out with. Don’t rely on her period. Flakes rarely ever change. Become ‘busy’ & ignore all contact with them for now.
If they make excuses or get dismissive, then it’s because they are trying to gaslight you. Set boundaries & tell them thar if they value your friendship, that things need to stop being one sided all the time.
Stay strong. Look for support online. Forget those users. Even online friends are better than real life friends who use & abuse you.
You deserve better than that. Be rude if all else fails. I personally have hung up the phone on a former friend who would constantly interrupt & talk over me. Those people didn’t deserve ANY respect IMHO, lol 😆